Doomed Romance: Disappearing Acts

When you've had a series of romances that are ill fated before they even get off the ground you start to wonder, "Is it me?"

We all have our own pathologies we bring to a relationship. Subconsciously we are looking for people like our parents, but who can give us something our parents could not. Sometimes we're rebels, looking for someone the opposite of what we've known. And some of us just don't know what we're looking for at all.

The following contributor wants love badly, but has trouble holding on to it. With most relationships barely lasting a month or more, love has been elusive and the disappointment has been routine.

"Is it me?" she's wondering. She's not the first person to ask this question.

DISAPPEARING ACTS

I met this guy at the club (of all places).

He was tall, dreads, and all kind of sexy. So I went up to him, put my fingers through his hair and told him "I love your dreads" and left it at that. Later on that night in the club I found him again and asked him to dance he said yes and we exchanged numbers. I didn't expect him to call me, but he did. We hit it off immediately and talked on the phone for hours. He wanted to see me again over the weekend so we made plans.

When we went out we had a good time. We went to the park, the movies, ate out and we kissed which seemed like forever. I told my self a million times don't fall for this guy too quick. But I was tired of putting my guard up, so I put it down.

We spoke on the phone numerous times and then I went up to his house. We had a good time, but no sex. Then I decided to ask him where he thought we were going with this, he kept telling me that he wasn't ready for a relationship and giving me the run-around. A week later he suddenly stopped picking up his phone.

After three days of not picking up the phone I started to notice the pattern, one I had with every guy I dated. I kept thinking he normally calls back, if anything was wrong he knows my email address. I kept telling myself, "It's no big deal. He'll call." I finally decided to email him and then he wrote me back saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and he knew I wanted one. He said he didn't want to mislead me and didn't mean to mislead me if he had.

I was stunned.

I tried to pretend I wasn't, but deep down I wanted him. I really thought we hit it off. I couldn't get over him. There were nights I just couldn't sleep wondering what was it I did wrong this time? Was I wrong to ask him? What if I didn't ask him? Why does this always to happen to me? I got angry with myself, kept rewinding the past from what he said to me and what we did. Trying to find the signs.

As of now I haven't gone on a date. This happened in the month of October 2007. I decided to take a year off from dating cause I just kept running into the same scenario time and time again. I'm hoping the next time I'm on a date it'll be for keeps.