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Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Funny Side of Randomness

When I saw the headline I knew I had to click on it.

"Obama Meets O'Reilly: No One Dies!"

The story was from last week when O'Reilly finally got his long awaited sit down with our precious Hope Mongerer despite almost mauling him at a ropeline in New Hampshire.

He just wanted to talk. A shouting, angry, tall and insanely rich white media man can't get no love?

I realize some may not know this or maybe I've already mentioned it, but Bill O'Reilly really wanted to make it as a serious journalist like his hero Mike Wallace or go on to become a great network anchor like Walter Cronkite. But O'Reilly, for whatever reasons (like how he probably didn't have the patience or talent) wasn't good enough. He decided to tell himself it was because of the fancy pants Nancy boys from the fancy pants Nancy League schools ran all the Liberal networks who wanted to look down on him and his cruddy, conservative "ethnic" Catholic working-to-Middle Class roots.

I'm still going with he had a bad temper and was sucky, but what do I know?

Anyway. Some people did not want Barack Obama to go on O'Reilly. If we were talking about Sean Hannity I'd be right there with you with my pitchfork and shotgun, but O'Reilly wants to be seen as legitimate. In his eyes, he's just trying to be a tough, fair, but extremely arrogant, ass-holey version of Mike Wallace. His yelling of things is his tribute to Mike wedging his way into the doors of crooked businessmen and politicians. So O'Reilly didn't want Obama on to defame him. He wanted him on there because Obama had talked to everyone on every network but his.

Obama's been running for almost two years and by now he's talked to even the pseudo news, like The Tyra Banks Show and The View. Do you know how humiliating it is to have to beg and plead for an interview when you have one of the top rated cable news shows on television? Sure, he spends some of that show bashing Obama, but seriously, O'Reilly's trying to be a journalist around here and Tyra Banks got to interview Obama! Tyra friggin' Banks!

Whaddaya gotta do to get Mr. Historical Candidate on your show?

So O'Reilly was unlikely to go full asshole in this situation. He's not that insane. He's not going to say anything untoward to Obama's face. After he leaves maybe. But not to his face.

Just as O'Reilly could morph into a halfway rational person for an Obama interview, he would shove his own mother down a flight of stairs to score an interview with Bill Clinton. One just like the one Mike Wallace's son, Chris, got a few years back. (Oh, to have Bill Clinton thrust that crooked finger in HIS face and accuse HIM of pulling a conservative hit job! It would be an honor, sir!) He'd take an interview with Bill or Hillary, like, RIGHT NOW, if he could get it. Because at the end of the day, Bill just wants what Katie Couric has.

The ability to get powerful Lefties to return his phone calls.

After all, the statistics say half of FOX News' viewing audience are Democrats, so really, where's the begrudging love? Some of them are doing opposition research, but that's a very small minority. C'mon? Hugs, now? Who loves you, 'Bama?

O'Reilly at least gave Obama props for that. In typical O'Reillian fashion, the host had two analysts on immediately after the segment, essentially to assess how well he had interviewed Obama (verdict: great!), and O'Reilly praised him for coming onto the show. "He's a tough guy, Obama ... I looked at him eye to eye — he's not a wimpy guy."

Obama, after all, had stared down Papa Bear. And in the No-Spin Zone, that's the greatest leadership credential of all. (Time Magazine)

Why, O'Reilly was so moved by this experience to play "real journalist" for a few hours that he actual half-assed defended Obama over this whole Palin-pig-n-a-blanket-wearing-lipstick boondoogle.

"For anyone to say that Barack Obama consciously compared Mrs. Palin to a pig is unfair." -- Bill O'Reilly

Obama meets O'Reilly and "no one dies" indeed!

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