TFS S2E5: Bitches on Parade

Vacant.

With this episode, we were all set for an hour of high blood pressure because the Housewives - especially the Jersey and OC breeds - tend to make us very, very irritable. Surprisingly, they didn't really bother us at all this time.

They were game, in on the joke, and playing their characters to the hilt. If anything, it was the designers who got the most on our nerves last night.

Still, we've always refused to learn their names or make any attempt to tell them apart. They're all loud, crass, with too much hair and lots of boob. Why bother learning names? There's the blonde one, the other blonde one, the really dumb blonde one. Then there's the Italian one, the other Italian one, the really dumb Italian one and the scary redhead. Done. All we need to know.

And yeah, Big Dumb Blonde really did try to pass off a sketch from the Atelier Versace collection as one of her own. It saddens us that reality television gives people like this a platform rather than letting us burn them as witches, like we did in the olden days.

But it was Calvin who really brought the bitchery last night. It was a little too obvious to us that he was scrambling to make sure he stayed the Queen of Bitch Mountain, no matter how many other bitches were in the room. In a weird way, he came off a little threatened by the Housewives, as if he was afraid they were going to steal the spotlight from him.

Still, he was a supreme dick to his team mates last night and to be honest, we're getting a little tired of the schtick. We could take him strutting around the workroom like a rooster with poor English skills if he was impressive in any way, but all he does is churn out one shiny stripper dress after another. We get it, Calvin. You're impressed with yourself. Guess what? No one else seems to be.

And honest to Prada, girl. You need to pull yourself together. Dominique cried so much last night we worried she wasn't replenishing her fluids fast enough and was in danger of dehydration. Yeah, the dress she made was pretty shitty, but she should have taken a good look around the room. ALL the dresses were pretty shitty.

In fact...

Designer: Golnessa Farmanara, House of Emerald
Model: Gretchen Rossi

Designer: Eduardo de les Casas, House of Nami
Model: Dina Manzo

There's barely any difference from a style or execution perspective between Golnessa's losing dress and Eduardo's winning dress. They're both Barbie gowns with big flouncey elements that look ridiculous. The only thing Eduardo's gown had going for it was the bodice, which was both very flattering, and very well executed. The rest of it? Bleh.

These kinds of client-based challenges are pretty standard to the point of cliche by now, but you've got to put the designers through this process at least once a season on a fashion reality show.

Although we thought it was perfectly ridiculous when a few of them started whining about how hard it is working with non-model bodies when we doubt any of these women are above a size 6, if that. You're not exactly dealing with hunchbacks and circus freaks, you snotty little bitches.


We saw the edit coming a mile away and we knew the team that was falling apart was going to pull out a win while Team Cocky was going to be raked over the coals (and Cesar, you best check yourself because you are stumbling). We knew the dresses would be tacky and ill-fitting, given the challenge, but even we were surprised at how collectively bad the results were.

[Photo Credit: bravotv.com]

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Labels: The Fashion Show, The Fashion Show Season 2, The Fashion Show Season 2 Episode 5